As a Behaviour Support Practitioner, much of my work centres around understanding not just observable behaviours, but the deeper emotional experiences that shape them. One of the most profound and often overlooked experiences for people with disabilities is the grief associated with identity loss.
This grief does not always stem from a single event. Still, it accumulates over time through missed milestones, such as graduating in a typical setting, forming friendships with ease, gaining independence, securing employment, or even participating in everyday social activities. These moments, often taken for granted by able-bodied individuals, contribute to how a person understands themselves and their place in the world. When these experiences are inaccessible or significantly altered, individuals may begin to internalise a sense of difference, loss, or grief.
Importantly, this grief can manifest behaviourally for many people with disabilities. This can look like withdrawal, frustration, refusal, or emotional dysregulation — which are not simply behaviours of concern; they may also be expressions of loss, exclusion, or unmet identity needs. As practitioners, reframing our understanding of behaviour through this lens allows us to respond with empathy rather than correction.
Inclusive, real-world environments play a critical role in reducing this sense of loss. When individuals are supported to access meaningful activities — whether that be modified education pathways, inclusive workplaces, or community participation — the narrative shifts from "I can't" to "I can, just differently." As practitioners, it is so important that we support this capacity building and advocate for our participants to have these positive experiences.
Inclusion is not about forcing people with disabilities to look like able-bodied people or to fit into societal identities; it is about creating flexible systems that honour diverse ways of participating. Small adjustments, such as sensory-friendly spaces, communication supports, and flexible expectations, can significantly impact a person's ability to engage in life experiences that shape identity.